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Yogurt Lidz

Impotent Products

Imagine for a moment that your favorite cup of yogurt is sitting before your sickly, dairy-deprived body—unassuming and unopened. You reach for it with your wretched goblin hands and carefully but eagerly pry the foil lid from the plastic cup. You mutter a saliva-heavy "eureka" and unfurl your tongue. Like a dragnet destroying an entire aquatic ecosystem, you lick the underside of the lid, letting no yogurt escape your gluttonous consummation. You tongue every inch until it is no more.

Now simply throw the empty, yogurt-less plastic cup somewhere in nature or in any garbage can that's right next to a recycle bin and get back to doing what you like to do.

"I heat up a lot of heroin in metal kitchen utensils, so I'm always running out of spoons. But now that I've switched to Yogurt Lidz, I can quickly lap up one ounce of yogurt and get right back to doing heroin." -Horace Drugdoer

"Once I went spoon-less with Yogurt Lidz, I gave my family access to the one spoon in the house. Now every morning my wife and seven children fight for it. Whoever gets it doesn't have to eat muesli with their hands." -Eustace Frowngobbler

"Seeing as serial murderers were considered "essential" at the beginning of the pandemic, I've been so busy with work that I never have time to eat a full five-ounce cup of yogurt in-between murders. But with Yogurt Lidz I always find time to slurp a single ounce of yog down my gullet after I do some stabbing but before I do some bludgeoning. Thanks, Impotent Products!" -Jim Moistsox

Yogurt Lidz is sold next to snack bags that are 77% air, 8% intact chips, and 15% chip particles in complete disarray.

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