Impotent Products

Feb 19

The Adventures of Marma Man and Brownicle Boy

Buy your own "Action Figures" at a weed shop near you and recreate all of Marma Man and Brownicle Boy's high-larious adventures.

Feb 19

fitbitch | Fitness Devolved

Seamless smart-phone pairing lets you be disappointed by your dog anywhere. The option to relay voice messages of your shame.

Feb 7

Mari's Confinemints

The grape flavor is TO DIE FOR. Billy Fishskin was transformed into a gelatinous, bloody pool AND STILL WENT BACK FOR SECONDS.

Feb 6

Kàkaw | Crow Shrieks in a Box

Kàkaw is sold in the section of the weed store where a generous-but-misguided budtender is rolling joints with lotto tickets.

Feb 5

Eye Brownies

They called you crazy for wanting to stick baked goods onto your face.

160

Jan 10

Marmanaras

As basil hits your tongue, your Sicilian crone-of-a-mother-in-law nods her head in approval of you—for once. Savor it, mi amore.

130

Dec 27, 2020

Trainimorphs

It's up to one man who can shape-shift into a train to speed around the world and collect the world's last humans with fair derrieres.

Dec 22, 2020

Chee-Z Vape

Just take a nice, deep breath and let your lungs fill with thick clouds of aged cheddar. Welcome to the future—it smells like foot.

Dec 15, 2020

Gwarmas

Gwarmas — Stimulate your blood-spraying udders.

Nov 21, 2020

Mari's Minced Mints

At Impotent Products, we don't deal in petty things like overly complicated packaging, egregious price-hiking, or costly quality assurance.

Nov 14, 2020

Chewie's

Impotent Products Have you ever stared at your cat cleaning itself and thought, "Why should this being be the only one who gets to enjoy ...

Sep 27, 2020

HARMAS

Razorblades are 100% American steel. Support your country, and add a little bit (a lot) of excitement (pain) to your diet (mouth).

100

Sep 23, 2020

KoKo Gemz

Share them with: Friends, Neighbors, Old Relatives With Preexisting Health Conditions

Sep 7, 2020

Coca-Ricola

The menthol and carbonation with send you straight to the wintry planet Hoth, lost in a blizzard with no Tauntaun innards to keep you warm.

Sep 5, 2020

Hi-Borscht

It's like a funeral in your mouth!

Sep 5, 2020

Marmambo #5

Introducing a THC gummy for those who have it all. Marmambo #5 tastes like absolutely nothing—the one thing you don't have.

Sep 2, 2020

Metal Gear Haribo: Twin Snakes

The flavor is pretty solid.

120

Aug 20, 2020

Thigh-Burst | Watermelon Crush

Are you ready for an edible that is going to make your head feel like it's being crushed by a woman with incredibly strong thighs?

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