Impotent Products

2 days ago

KoKo Gemz

Share them with: Friends, Neighbors, Old Relatives With Preexisting Health Conditions

Sep 7

Coca-Ricola

The menthol and carbonation with send you straight to the wintry planet Hoth, lost in a blizzard with no Tauntaun innards to keep you warm.

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Sep 5

Marmambo #5

Introducing a THC gummy for those who have it all. Marmambo #5 tastes like absolutely nothing—the one thing you don't have.

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Sep 5

Hi-Borscht

It's like a funeral in your mouth!

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Sep 2

Metal Gear Haribo: Twin Snakes

The flavor is pretty solid.

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Aug 20

Thigh-Burst | Watermelon Crush

Are you ready for an edible that is going to make your head feel like it's being crushed by a woman with incredibly strong thighs?

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Aug 17

Shawarmas

Do you know how to spell culltrol aprapriotion? I can't type it into Google to see if I shouldn't be doing this kind of thing.

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Aug 15

Pebbles | Diorite

It's just a box of rocks. Small rocks. Pebbles, if you will. But still Pebbles if you won't.

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Aug 6

Kikkoman Bed Crumbs

"Oh my god. Did you eat the entire bag?" How many times have you been asked that question in your life? Hi, my name is Johannes Jonsonson.

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Jul 30

Hand Sanitaser

The Hand Sanitaser is motion-activated and indiscriminate.

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Jul 6

July | Grab Yourself a Fifth

Did I drive the truck onto the roof again? How is that even possible, and why can't I do it when I'm sober?

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Jun 2

Putin's Eggo Waffles | L'Eggo его Eggo

The ninja coughs up thick red blood that trickles down their chin and finds quarter in a trench of the Eggo waffle. "Nani!?"

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May 24

Marmas | Grey Poupon

One candy square tastes like just like eating a tablespoon of Grey Poupon.

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May 21

Marmots

Introducing the first gummy candy to guarantee a complaint to the HOA by your neighbor.

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May 3

The KaYak | Smelly, Non-Reusable & Biodegradable

Shipped product may be smelly and/or near-death. It is recommended that you use the KaYak immediately after receiving.

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Apr 24

PEZhaluysta (Made in Russia)

PEZhaluysta! The only candy that asks for consent before lodging itself into your throat.

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Apr 19

Bred Bull Bread-Bowl-in-a-Can!

Experience the natural sogginess of the bread's insides, and wash it down with Red Bull and some chewy bits!

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Apr 2

Èomer's Glue

Made from real dead horses!

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