Impotent Products
Gerald knocked it in. Like, we were making the caramels, right? Bill was stirring the caramel, it was super hot—he burned his wrist and everything—and then Gerald walked by while holding the butter chainsaw. Well, the 20-inch blade ran right into the salt bag which fell right into Bill's boiling caramel.
After a bit more stirring, we spread the mixture into square molds and, since it was his fault to begin with, we made Gerald try out one of these heavily-salted caramels. After eating one, Gerald was speechless. We took that as a sign to go ahead and package it and send it out to our waiting customers!
Unfortunately, Gerald was admitted to the ICU for acute kidney failure.
So he was unable to join in with the rest of the kitchen staff for pizza and refreshments after a job well done.
You know, the darnedest thing happened after we shipped the 'Chewee's OOPS! All Salt' out to dispensaries; Bill sobered up from his pizza overdose and remembered that he hadn't been cooking caramel at all. Apparently he was stirring an empty pot when the salt was knocked in. He's pretty sure the stove wasn't even on.
So enjoy your salt with essence of rubber spatula.
Purchase Chewee's OOPS! All Salt in the section of the weed store where Gandhi's great salt march has traveled all the way from India and spacetime to harvest all of these Chewee's "Caramels" in defiance of the British Empire. Get them before they're all gone!
