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Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic

Updated: Feb 28, 2020

The Impotent Satyr

"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?" local marijuana enthusiast and lactose intolerator Justin Marzipan asked himself before shrugging both shoulders and proceeding ahead with the fruit dissection. Justin, unwilling to waste food, found himself a minute later fighting a losing battle as his mouth braved one garlic-intensive bite after another.

"I did this to myself, and I will accept and remember this punishment in the hopes that it never happens to me or anyone else ever again."

Mr Marzipan then smoked an inordinate amount of the Devil's lettuce, more than enough to make even the most unappetizing envelope glue palatable, and promptly forgot the entire situation.

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