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Stuart Belittle

Updated: Jun 11

Impotent Products

When the Littles go to an orphanage, a seemingly friendly mouse orphan warms up to them and wiles his way into the Littles' hearts. The moment The Littles make their decision to adopt him, Stuart runs to his fellow orphans and berates them for having been picked-over for a mouse. When he's satisfied with their tears and whimpering, Stuart packs his cute, little suitcase and leaves them all behind.


Once he's home and settled in, Stuart almost immediately begins belittling his new brother, George. Stuart says that because clothes shopping will be so inexpensive for him, the adult Littles will soon realize how much money they could save if they got rid of their human child. Stuart doesn't relent from the badgering and informs George that, even though they're wearing the same outfit, Stuart is wearing his better; George looks like a virgin nerd, while Stuart is figuratively if not literally drowning in pussy, a la The Littles' voracious house cat, Snowball.


When George admits that he doesn't know how to tie his shoes, Stuart jumps at the opportunity to not only degrade George but to rub in his face that Stuart has a motherfucking pilot's license AND he can drive a boat. George asks if Stuart has a boating license, too. Stuart replies that badasses don't need a boating license.


George cries even more, and that's when Stuart's smile fades. The little mouse sees the hurt he has caused and walks up to his new big brother. Stuart apologizes and explains that he actually has a gift in his pocket for George. Stuart pulls his little paw out of his tiny chinos and promptly flips George the bird.


Now the waterworks really begin flowing. George wails while tears drop from his wet cheeks like mortar shells. Stuart quickly finds himself drenched underneath his brother. The little guy tries to run away but slips and falls into a puddle of George's tears. He fights to stay buoyant, but the tears crash down on Stuart and keep him underneath the watery surface. The last thought that breaches Stuart's mind is of his adorably small yacht. Badasses didn't need to swim when they owned a boat, he had justified; as such, Stuart had never learned to swim.


As George runs to the comfort of his parents, his new brother's lungs fill with salty water, and he drifts off to the forever sleep.


Rent Stuart Belittle on VHS at the last Blockbuster where employees aren't fired nor are they allowed to quit; they are simply required to remain.

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