Simply throw the empty, yogurt-less plastic cup somewhere in nature or in any garbage can that's right next to a recycle bin.

High-Wurst are gummy dummy thicc frankfurters that will fill your entire mouth with smokey, Capri Sun-like flavor.

Each bag of Tat Skins contains your daily recommended intake of lower back butterfly tattoos.

Enjoy spelling your favorite words without the difficult-to-pronounce no-no letter, replacing it with good ol' "TH"; mother nature's "S".

I wasn't aware that BEES FIXED THE FLINT, MICHIGAN WATER CRISIS. Oh, wait, they didn't! Piss off, Jerry.

This post is sponsored by the letters "T" "H" & "C".

Kick the office paper shredder and shuck open a box of Kakauabunga!

Impotent Products Impotent Products is expanding into the food delivery market! Through online polling, questionnaires, and blurting out...

Buy your own "Action Figures" at a weed shop near you and recreate all of Marma Man and Brownicle Boy's high-larious adventures.

Seamless smart-phone pairing lets you be disappointed by your dog anywhere. The option to relay voice messages of your shame.

The grape flavor is TO DIE FOR. Billy Fishskin was transformed into a gelatinous, bloody pool AND STILL WENT BACK FOR SECONDS.

Kàkaw is sold in the section of the weed store where a generous-but-misguided budtender is rolling joints with lotto tickets.

They called you crazy for wanting to stick baked goods onto your face.

As basil hits your tongue, your Sicilian crone-of-a-mother-in-law nods her head in approval of you—for once. Savor it, mi amore.

It's up to one man who can shape-shift into a train to speed around the world and collect the world's last humans with fair derrieres.

Just take a nice, deep breath and let your lungs fill with thick clouds of aged cheddar. Welcome to the future—it smells like foot.

Gwarmas — Stimulate your blood-spraying udders.

At Impotent Products, we don't deal in petty things like overly complicated packaging, egregious price-hiking, or costly quality assurance.

Impotent Products Have you ever stared at your cat cleaning itself and thought, "Why should this being be the only one who gets to enjoy...

Razorblades are 100% American steel. Support your country, and add a little bit (a lot) of excitement (pain) to your diet (mouth).

Share them with: Friends, Neighbors, Old Relatives With Preexisting Health Conditions

The menthol and carbonation with send you straight to the wintry planet Hoth, lost in a blizzard with no Tauntaun innards to keep you warm.

It's like a funeral in your mouth!

Introducing a THC gummy for those who have it all. Marmambo #5 tastes like absolutely nothing—the one thing you don't have.

The flavor is pretty solid.

Are you ready for an edible that is going to make your head feel like it's being crushed by a woman with incredibly strong thighs?

Do you know how to spell culltrol aprapriotion? I can't type it into Google to see if I shouldn't be doing this kind of thing.

It's just a box of rocks. Small rocks. Pebbles, if you will. But still Pebbles if you won't.

"Oh my god. Did you eat the entire bag?" How many times have you been asked that question in your life? Hi, my name is Johannes Jonsonson.

The Hand Sanitaser is motion-activated and indiscriminate.

Did I drive the truck onto the roof again? How is that even possible, and why can't I do it when I'm sober?

The ninja coughs up thick red blood that trickles down their chin and finds quarter in a trench of the Eggo waffle. "Nani!?"

One candy square tastes like just like eating a tablespoon of Grey Poupon.

Introducing the first gummy candy to guarantee a complaint to the HOA by your neighbor.

Shipped product may be smelly and/or near-death. It is recommended that you use the KaYak immediately after receiving.

PEZhaluysta! The only candy that asks for consent before lodging itself into your throat.

Experience the natural sogginess of the bread's insides, and wash it down with Red Bull and some chewy bits!

Made from real dead horses!

TP alone won't save them. For where there's sand, there are sandy cheeks.

Sold wherever the real enemy is humanity. But also zombies.

This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.

It's not genocide if your serfs' cause of death is from sudden impact with another country's property.

Straight from the Sarlacc's mouth, you've heard it correct. Boba Fettuccini's is the best pasta on this side of Yavin 4!

It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!

Pabst Brown Ribbon takes only the finest of hops that are left over after everyone else has had their pick through.

You'll know it's chilled properly when Coo-ers calls dibs on the street popcorn.

Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!

Hey, dudes, dudettes, despacitos, and Doritos, it's in God's plan that you pick up this book and read the holy texts and heart emojis inside

Because you're a head turner. A breath captor. And a power steerer. You're sleek, sexy, unstoppable, and full of hot air.

You know what really grinds my gears? Gear Operators who don't use Anti-Grind Gear Goop.