Buy your own "Action Figures" at a weed shop near you and recreate all of Marma Man and Brownicle Boy's high-larious adventures.

Seamless smart-phone pairing lets you be disappointed by your dog anywhere. The option to relay voice messages of your shame.

The grape flavor is TO DIE FOR. Billy Fishskin was transformed into a gelatinous, bloody pool AND STILL WENT BACK FOR SECONDS.

Kàkaw is sold in the section of the weed store where a generous-but-misguided budtender is rolling joints with lotto tickets.

They called you crazy for wanting to stick baked goods onto your face.

As basil hits your tongue, your Sicilian crone-of-a-mother-in-law nods her head in approval of you—for once. Savor it, mi amore.

It's up to one man who can shape-shift into a train to speed around the world and collect the world's last humans with fair derrieres.

Just take a nice, deep breath and let your lungs fill with thick clouds of aged cheddar. Welcome to the future—it smells like foot.

Gwarmas — Stimulate your blood-spraying udders.

At Impotent Products, we don't deal in petty things like overly complicated packaging, egregious price-hiking, or costly quality assurance.