Quit losing your envelopes to carelessness, the wind, and insert third example here before shooting the commercial--buy The Anvilope today!

Donald, Goofy, and Sora fight the hordes of Hardless, thrusting and busting evil Dicney villains who use The Hardless like pawns.

The moment The Littles make their decision to adopt him, Stuart berates his fellow orphans for having been picked-over for a mouse.

Skin chips are hand peeled & fried to dry, flaky perfection. Naturally salty, our crispy boys are sure to satisfy any cannibalistic cravings

Our employees painstakingly clothe magma-hot falafel in flannel, creating our trademark product: FALANEL

Relief instantly washes over you, as Nunyun holes are large and famously not tight. Sticking one's finger in a Nunyun gives no satisfaction.

The animals' bodies begin to grow. A little. They grow, like, almost a foot bigger. It's super intense.

Imagine adding ice cubes to trail mix.

Baldur's Gait is finally here for an Xbox360. Come see and watch all the horses walking that you could for ever ask.

It feels like I swallowed a live hedgehog. It's like my esophagus is a window curtain, and that blue candy I swallowed was Garfield.

Once your unwanted progeny has entered the chamber (in the hopes of getting his freak on), shut the door behind him and release the flames!

The health inspection was not great success. But the soup was to die. And die they did do. High five!

Upon first bite the Hot Socket burns my mouth in 2 ways. 1st the marinara instantly perforates the roof of my mouth with second-degree burns

We made Gerald try out one of these heavily-salted caramels. After eating one, Gerald was speechless.

In a land ruled by dongs, only one dongless individual can stand up and say, "No dongs for me, please."

This is a bottom shelf wine for a bottom shelf kind of night.

What if hot sauce could stretch out your insides without wrecking you deep, deep in your intestines?

Y'all ever get tired of folks hollering at you, "Kiss my grits"? Just whip out a box of Albers Pre-Kissed Grits and tell them "No thanks."

The only frozen dinner for one that's actually meant to be split between the whole family. In fact, that's our slogan.

Feel the eruption of flavor as you bite through the crunchy candy exterior and sink your teeth into the spunky, adhesive-like interior.

Entire cup may be submerged in a milky brine.

The only difference is that you can visibly & physically verify our non-mystery liquid via the revolutionary hole in the side of the bottle.

"Gripping stuff."

Men get bored after a while and tend to wander off post-nut. That's where Glube cums in.

How does one send out the signal, "I'm interested in abducting you off the street in open daylight"? With CREEPER VANS, of course!

You brought this creature into the world; you raise it.

Impotent Products | Henry swore up-and-down that farts could sound like wet bubbling, slopping against polyester.

Your favorite meal just got a whole lot excited

PENultimate 2.0 — It's not the ballpoint pen you're looking for, but it's the one you happen to find first or, rather, find second-to-last.

It's time to step away from the guillotine and give Mattrescide a call.

Perhaps it's time to talk to your proctologist about INCHILADAS. The food designed to be eaten in two bites or less.

Look for Boo Raspberry Marmas in the section of the weed store where the budtender has been screaming and crying blood since the start of th

What does Blur Raspberry taste like, you ask?

Impotent Products So you're seventeen minutes into what's supposed to be Band Aid 38 (the supergroup of famous musicians making an album...

Impotent Products You know when things get put inside other things, and then you roll that up and put it in another thing? And then you...

Simply throw the empty, yogurt-less plastic cup somewhere in nature or in any garbage can that's right next to a recycle bin.

High-Wurst are gummy dummy thicc frankfurters that will fill your entire mouth with smokey, Capri Sun-like flavor.

Each bag of Tat Skins contains your daily recommended intake of lower back butterfly tattoos.

Enjoy spelling your favorite words without the difficult-to-pronounce no-no letter, replacing it with good ol' "TH"; mother nature's "S".

I wasn't aware that BEES FIXED THE FLINT, MICHIGAN WATER CRISIS. Oh, wait, they didn't! Piss off, Jerry.

This post is sponsored by the letters "T" "H" & "C".

Kick the office paper shredder and shuck open a box of Kakauabunga!

Impotent Products Impotent Products is expanding into the food delivery market! Through online polling, questionnaires, and blurting out...

Buy your own "Action Figures" at a weed shop near you and recreate all of Marma Man and Brownicle Boy's high-larious adventures.

Seamless smart-phone pairing lets you be disappointed by your dog anywhere. The option to relay voice messages of your shame.

The grape flavor is TO DIE FOR. Billy Fishskin was transformed into a gelatinous, bloody pool AND STILL WENT BACK FOR SECONDS.

Kàkaw is sold in the section of the weed store where a generous-but-misguided budtender is rolling joints with lotto tickets.

They called you crazy for wanting to stick baked goods onto your face.

As basil hits your tongue, your Sicilian crone-of-a-mother-in-law nods her head in approval of you—for once. Savor it, mi amore.

It's up to one man who can shape-shift into a train to speed around the world and collect the world's last humans with fair derrieres.