Sep 27, 2020 "Hell has a new resident," Says Local Candidate & Paste-Eater C Davis—He's Not Entirely Wrong Rip and tear, until women's rights are upheld.
Jul 28, 2020 Unhinged Rainy Day Records Employee Accepts Yet Another 'Better Than Ezra: Deluxe' Trade-In "Alright," the Lead Manager said in a defeated tone. "Slap a '98 cents' sticker on that thing and add it to the pile."
Jul 15, 2020 City Manager Concludes There Not Enough Bumps on 1-5 On-Ramp at Exit 107 Right now the bumps in the road give drivers a jarring, earthquake-like sensation that has their morning coffee thrashing about and spilling
Jun 14, 2020 Grad Celebrates Digital Commencement, Chooses 'Chocolatey Chip' Over Original Eggos Yo, Aunt Jemima, we'll convene when these bad boys are luke warm and supine on my plate.
May 31, 2020 Regressives Initiate All-Inclusive Orgy in Hopes of Reverting County to Phase 1 "We're gonna fuck and fuck some more until we get our social distancing restrictions back again—this time enforced by police."
Mar 22, 2020 In Midst of Apocalypse, Man Receives Text That 420 West, Carpenter Still Open for Business "I mean, the whole city is on fire; why shouldn't my lungs be?" West Olympian Aarnold Lemonberry reasoned aloud with himself.
Mar 20, 2020 I Hate Fake People But This Bitch Didn't Smile When Taking My Order If you can't fake a smile when my presence is presented, know that I take it as an act of aggression. First Fallujah, then Aleppo, now Oly.
