Search

- Jun 14, 2020
- 1 min read

Grad Celebrates Digital Commencement, Chooses 'Chocolatey Chip' Over Original Eggos

Updated: Aug 16, 2020

The Impotent Satyr

This special occasion dinner calls for a stick of butter that's not covered in toast particles. Yo, Aunt Jemima, we'll convene when these bad boys are luke warm and supine on my plate.

Recent Posts

See All

Vics Now Offering Pizza By-the-Handful

Hairnets, Beardnets, Now Hornets: How This Kitchen is Ushering in the New Standard for Hygeine

New Coworker Already Repeating Dialogue Lines

Apr 12, 2020
3 min

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

351 views0 comments

Mar 20, 2020
2 min

Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition

This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.

21 views0 comments

Feb 26, 2020
1 min

The Last Air Blender

It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!

62 views0 comments

Jan 28, 2020
1 min

The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit

If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.

129 views0 comments

Jan 11, 2020
1 min

Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic

"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"

53 views0 comments

Jan 2, 2020
1 min

Hydra Flask

Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!

57 views0 comments

Dec 4, 2019
2 min

Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised

Genesis front man Phil Collins doesn't remember acting in the 1995 movie Waterworld, and I think that's the least of his problems.

177 views0 comments

Nov 8, 2022
1 min

Hunger Overruled

"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."

3 views0 comments

Nov 3, 2022
1 min

Saitama goes to a straight-edge party

Drank it in one gulp.

2 views0 comments

Aug 4, 2022
1 min

Easy, Breezy, Face-Eaty, Beautiful

Velociraptor seeks biped who enjoys outdoors

26 views0 comments

Jul 21, 2022
1 min

North Korean Radio: The Sequel

Impotent Comics

5 views0 comments

Aug 12, 2019
2 min

Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'

Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...

21 views0 comments

Jul 30, 2019
1 min

Diagnosis: Kocher

"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."

17 views0 comments

Jul 28, 2019
1 min

Diagnosis: Hellacopter

"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."

19 views0 comments

May 28, 2019
1 min

Procedure: VASEctomy

Tired of having kids but short on cash? Just stick your dick in a vase until it shatters, severing your vans deferens

17 views0 comments

Mar 2, 2021
3 min

Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel

Was it a metaphor for our relationship? I don't know; I am way too drunk to psychoanalyze what she meant by "emotionally distant."

390 views0 comments

Apr 12, 2020
3 min

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

351 views0 comments

Feb 28, 2020
1 min

A Quick Stare: Tumwater Falls

I was so happy to find some stairs that I didn't bother seeing the falls—I'd already fallen head-over-heels in love.

266 views0 comments

Jan 11, 2020
1 min

A Quick Stare: My Viola Floral Studio

They said I could be anything I set my mind to and work hard toward. So I became a stairwell aficionado.

42 views0 comments

Mar 21, 2020
1 min

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion—Vilena Donton's house | Stairwell Review

I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than these stairs.

62 views0 comments

Feb 29, 2020
1 min

Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review

Why watch dogs when you can watch stairwells?

29 views0 comments

Feb 28, 2020
1 min

Sniper Elite 4 | Stairwell Review

They told me I couldn't drive my car up a flight of wooden stairs. So I grabbed my kar and then drove its stock into that person's skull.

10 views0 comments

Feb 5, 2020
1 min

Breath of Fire 2: SimaFort | Stairwell Review

More like peepee of fire. Never wade through dank pond scum inside of a castle operated by toads.

47 views0 comments

Jul 13
2 min

Hot Sockets

Upon first bite the Hot Socket burns my mouth in 2 ways. 1st the marinara instantly perforates the roof of my mouth with second-degree burns

14 views0 comments

Jun 2
1 min

Chewee's Caramels OOPS! All Salt

We made Gerald try out one of these heavily-salted caramels. After eating one, Gerald was speechless.

11 views0 comments

Jun 1
1 min

Dong Smasher 2K23

In a land ruled by dongs, only one dongless individual can stand up and say, "No dongs for me, please."

27 views0 comments

May 3
1 min

Sham Pain

This is a bottom shelf wine for a bottom shelf kind of night.

6 views0 comments

Grad Celebrates Digital Commencement, Chooses 'Chocolatey Chip' Over Original Eggos

Recent Posts

Featured Posts

Recent Posts from Impotent Comics

Recent Posts from Impotent M.D.

Recent Posts from Stairwell Aficionado

Recent Posts From Gamer's Stairwell Aficionado

Recent Posts from Impotent Products

Real news, I swear