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Anti-Grind Gear Goop

Impotent Products

The forfeiture of my mother's life quality guarantee. Good for the face. Good for the flank. Non-topical use only.
I, for one, live in fear of a day when my gears are not lubricated at all.

You know what really grinds my gears? Gear Operators who don't use Anti-Grind Gear Goop, the only formula that cradles your wrought iron gears as they turn the fabric of time or the microwave somewhat warming your Hungry Man frozen dinner for one.

Our goop is 80% dead skin ethically harvested from sunburn victims who have just attended America's biggest festivals: Burning Man, Coachella, Summerfest, or Lollapalooza to name just a few. There are an endless supply of humans neglecting to apply sunscreen at outdoor expositions. Can you say "resource sustainability"?

You wouldn't brush your grandmother's teeth with nothing but a bristly hunk of plastic, would you? Don't treat your gear's teeth any differently. Gel those spinny doohickeys up with some Anti-Grind Gear Goop. The lead churning will keep your head turning, believe me.

Don't bog down your cog crown with inferior paste. Other brands claim to spin your gears faster and more efficiently. But that's just a whole lot of nonsensical whathaveyou. Impotent Products won't talk your gear off and charm you with merit-less assertions and empty affirmations. Anti-Grind Gear Goop works. It just does. I'd bet my mother's life on it. So I am. If you apply our product to your gears, and they stop turning, I will take my lovely mother, Delilah, out for a day on the town full of shopping, fancy eateries, and (of course) ice cream cones at the Humdinger. After her stomach is settled from the cool nip of Rocky Road, I will pick her up in my own two arms, embrace her one final time, and throw her into Impotent Products' own 18,000 kilogram industrial gear grinder, where degraded gears, untreated with Anti-Grind Gear Goop, go to be ground up and repurposed into Rock n' Roll band tambourines.

Leave the grind behind, and lube your loop with Anti-Grind Gear Goop.

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