Have you and your wife(s) been trying and failing to conceive a son? What if I told you that it's not your fault? Would you be lured into a false perception of me I've created to take advantage of you? Yes on that second part?
It's time to step away from the guillotine and give Mattrescide a call. We'll send one of our executioners—er, executives—to your home to assess the inefficiencies in your sleeping partner. When the Mattrescide employee has finished surveying, they will execute a swift man-handling of the cushioned bed into the cold and damp bed of a company Ford F-150.
After the Mattrescide executive has peeled out in your driveway and driven off, you will never see your mattress again. No one will.
100% Money Back Guarantee if you change your mind.
But before you call for a refund, maybe you should sleep on it.
However, if you do decide to call for any reason, our customer service team is a cut above the rest.