Search

The KaYak | Smelly, Non-Reusable & Biodegradable

Impotent Products

So much fun! And most of the stench becomes unnoticeable within the first hour of entering water!

You know those bovines that hang out on the Himalayan Mountains? Yeah, we got those and tested their swimming capabilities. The results? Somewhat capable. Okay, hear me out on this.


Do you ever swim out into a lake really far and then look back toward shore and wish that a boat could return you to dry land and save yourself the hassle? Well, the KaYak has an answer to a *similar* situation!


Climb aboard the bovid boat and paddle out into the middle of a lake. Then, as your yachting yak succumbs to exhaustion and ceases swimming, toss your oars (which are a bit pointless and mostly just for your own amusement, as it's the KaYak that will be doing the real paddling) overboard and begin the long, strenuous swim back to shore. It's a fun challenge, see?


Practice your breaststroke, just DON'T LOOK DOWN and stare into the eyes of the yak you just condemned to a watery grave, treating it as carelessly as Mario does Yoshi for that extra height on a jump over a deadly ravine.


Your KaYak is completely biodegradable and non-drown-proof, so you don't have to worry about adding to your local landfill. In fact, the decomposing corpse will support hundreds-of-thousands of lifeforms and un-domesticated scuba divers snorkeling around their natural habitat in search of friends' Instagram feeds to invade and take over.


Shipped product may be smelly and/or near-death. It is recommended that you use the KaYak immediately after receiving. Reuse of your KaYak is NOT RECOMMENDED OR ADVISED.


Sold wherever salt licks are a gateway into bath salts which, in turn, are a gateway into baths.


Baths—not even once.

Featured Posts

Recent Posts from Impotent Comics

Recent Posts from Impotent M.D.

Recent Posts from Stairwell Aficionado

Recent Posts From Gamer's Stairwell Aficionado

Recent Posts from Impotent Products

Real news, I swear