Flaccid Jazz
And now all those foreign language classes you took in college to become a Cunnilinguist were for naught.
Friday, Friday, Gotta Go-Down-On Friday
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Available on kindle, paper, and hardback!
Just start typing. Who knows what you'll find?
Also available as an
audio book on YouTube
- Apr 12, 2020
- 3 min
A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building
it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.
351 views0 comments
- Mar 20, 2020
- 2 min
Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition
This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.
21 views0 comments
- Feb 26, 2020
- 1 min
The Last Air Blender
It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!
62 views0 comments
- Jan 28, 2020
- 1 min
The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit
If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.
129 views0 comments
- Jan 11, 2020
- 1 min
Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic
"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"
53 views0 comments
- Jan 2, 2020
- 1 min
Hydra Flask
Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!
57 views0 comments
- Dec 4, 2019
- 2 min
Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised
Genesis front man Phil Collins doesn't remember acting in the 1995 movie Waterworld, and I think that's the least of his problems.
177 views0 comments
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- Nov 8, 2022
- 1 min
Hunger Overruled
"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."
3 views0 comments
- Aug 4, 2022
- 1 min
Easy, Breezy, Face-Eaty, Beautiful
Velociraptor seeks biped who enjoys outdoors
26 views0 comments
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- Aug 12, 2019
- 2 min
Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'
Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...
21 views0 comments
- Jul 30, 2019
- 1 min
Diagnosis: Kocher
"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."
17 views0 comments
- Jul 28, 2019
- 1 min
Diagnosis: Hellacopter
"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."
19 views0 comments
- May 28, 2019
- 1 min
Procedure: VASEctomy
Tired of having kids but short on cash? Just stick your dick in a vase until it shatters, severing your vans deferens
17 views0 comments
- Mar 2, 2021
- 3 min
Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel
Was it a metaphor for our relationship? I don't know; I am way too drunk to psychoanalyze what she meant by "emotionally distant."
390 views0 comments
- Apr 12, 2020
- 3 min
A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building
it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.
351 views0 comments
- Feb 28, 2020
- 1 min
A Quick Stare: Tumwater Falls
I was so happy to find some stairs that I didn't bother seeing the falls—I'd already fallen head-over-heels in love.
266 views0 comments
- Jan 11, 2020
- 1 min
A Quick Stare: My Viola Floral Studio
They said I could be anything I set my mind to and work hard toward. So I became a stairwell aficionado.
42 views0 comments
Recent Posts from Stairwell Aficionado
- Mar 21, 2020
- 1 min
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion—Vilena Donton's house | Stairwell Review
I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than these stairs.
62 views0 comments
- Feb 29, 2020
- 1 min
Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review
Why watch dogs when you can watch stairwells?
29 views0 comments
- Feb 28, 2020
- 1 min
Sniper Elite 4 | Stairwell Review
They told me I couldn't drive my car up a flight of wooden stairs. So I grabbed my kar and then drove its stock into that person's skull.
10 views0 comments
- Feb 5, 2020
- 1 min
Breath of Fire 2: SimaFort | Stairwell Review
More like peepee of fire. Never wade through dank pond scum inside of a castle operated by toads.
47 views0 comments
Recent Posts From Gamer's Stairwell Aficionado
- Jul 13
- 2 min
Hot Sockets
Upon first bite the Hot Socket burns my mouth in 2 ways. 1st the marinara instantly perforates the roof of my mouth with second-degree burns
14 views0 comments
- Jun 2
- 1 min
Chewee's Caramels OOPS! All Salt
We made Gerald try out one of these heavily-salted caramels. After eating one, Gerald was speechless.
11 views0 comments
- Jun 1
- 1 min
Dong Smasher 2K23
In a land ruled by dongs, only one dongless individual can stand up and say, "No dongs for me, please."
27 views0 comments
Recent Posts from Impotent Products
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