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The Evergreen State College Clock Tower

Updated: Nov 25, 2019

Stairwell Aficionado

For this week's stairwell (the first being reviewed, but, like, the third I've walked on in my life) I traveled to the far reaches of Washington State and a whole 9 minutes from my house. The Evergreen State College showcases their ginormous clock tower with a four-floor staircase but no hunchback to fall in love with me.

An office in view on the second floor was full of beach balls which really triggered my PTSD to a memory of Bobby Warner making me eat a fist-full of sand to see if I would pass a pearl stool. When we got to high school, his parents were horrifically mauled to death by a scientifically-engineered labradoodle that had escaped from a government facility. So, the joke's on him, I guess.

At the top of the stairs, a "no smoking/vaping" sign hangs singed with cigarette burns and Linkin Park lyric etchings, respectively.

The Touch: The temperature of the railing was slightly warmer than the look people give me when I tell them I collect bottle caps. I have over 300 different caps, okay! When the nuclear fallout begins, you'll be sorry. You'll all be sorry!

The Smell: Aside from the spilled ramen on the way up to the fourth floor, the stairwell smelled pretty fresh. Itadakimasu!

The Taste: It was gritty. I won't lie, it wasn't very good, but, being my first stairwell-tasting, it probably could have been much worse.

You can see a good portion of campus from the top, and you can barter with a high-on-life (and oxycodone) squirrel for pine cones at the very bottom. I give this stairwell a 4/5.

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