The Impotent Satyr
If the worst came to pass and Donald J Trump was no longer president of these United States, Mike Pence would assume office as well as the Oval Office NES. Donald made Mike promise not to erase his game file if that happens.
"Melania will be dropping me off every other Friday so I can sleep over and play the Nintendo," Donald Trump told George Stephanopolous in an ABC interview last week. "I identify with that little, green Zelda guy defending the walls of the castle against Hyrule's illegal immigrants."
"Zelda is the princess, Mr. President," Stephanopolous assured him.
"You're a little wise guy, George."
After the interview, Donald reportedly shooed his son, Eric, off of the machine and attempted to kill the in-game Goron villagers. Unable to damage the friendly neighbors, Trump threw his blocky controller in a fit of rage and and hit Mike Pompeo square in the face, who then blamed the incident on Iran and implemented new sanctions.