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Crooked Cops Plant Finger Gun in Mime's Hand After Fatal Shooting

Updated: Feb 28, 2020

The Impotent Satyr

Dead mime with his fingers pointed like a gun. A cop looks over him.
"Is 'White Face' a killable offense? No? Alright then--go ahead with the plant. Dead mimes tell no tales. ...Neither do alive mimes, as well, I guess."

Citizens of the normally quiet town of Shheattle are in outrage when cell phone footage uploaded online revealed two police officers planting a finger gun on a street performer they shot and killed, seemingly without any provocation.

"Our officers acted within the law," Chief of Police Daiquiri Freauieau sternly addressed a crowd of reporters and protesters. "The officers involved reported that the individual was trapped inside of an invisible glass box. Officer 1 pulled out their firearm and attempted to shoot and break through the glass. Seven shots were fired--all of them penetrated the glass bit did not destroy it."

The cell phone footage shows that the mime was hit with all seven bullets. The victim dropped to the ground and began bleeding out while the officers scrambled around the body, attempting to penetrate the barrier.

"As the situation progressed," Freauieau continued, "Officer 2 revealed their firearm and attempted once more to breach the transparent container trapping the individual, firing off three additional shots. Sadly, the container did not break, and the individual died within seconds."

It was at this point when the cell phone video revealed the officers slowly reaching out their hands and feeling for the barrier which, they soon determined, was non-existent. Realizing their error in judgement, the two officers then traveled further down the path of wrongful conduct and planted a finger gun within the mime's hand, giving them probable cause.

The video evidence is pretty damning, but attorneys are having a hard time finding fellow mimes to testify on behalf of their murdered colleague, as every white-faced performer merely pulls on an invisible rope or rows an invisible canoe out the door.

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