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Trump Compromises to Build Wall from Unpurchased Daddy's Home 2 DVDs

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

The Impotent Satyr

A Mexico/US Border wall made entirely from a bad Will Ferrel movie

Standing his ground on funding for the US/Mexico border wall, President Donald Trump offered a concession to Democrats still unwilling to give in.

"I am willing to concede my demand for the border wall to be made from concrete," Trump said. "My team has looked into many substances that would be more cost-effective but still have some give. And we gotta have plenty of it." He went on to say how his administration took an outside-the-box approach to this problem, and that they even went so far as to investigate whether they could materialize Mike Pence's own cold, unyielding thoughts about the gay community into solid structures.

When that idea led to some reservations about Pence possibly becoming a living nuclear warhead, the administration quickly changed plans. The young and eager-to-please Jared Kushner (who is such a good boy, yes he is) thought to Google the most abundant solid resource in America, and lo and behold Daddy's Home 2 on DVD was result #3 after dirt and plastic bags, millions of them.

The DVD wall was pitched to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi who took it back to her fellow Democrats to talk over. "I watched the film and, honestly, I'm shocked," Pelosi stated, "I'm shocked to see such a horrendous movie was made to completion. Are you sure this was made in America? I am a public servant for a nation that created this. Excuse me--I need to find a closet and abort those 100 minutes from memory."

As the House Democrats whispered among themselves and the Republicans withdrew to their non-homoerotic slumber party, a lone Mike Pence stared out of his office window, furrowing his brow and concentrating any hidden Christian mental energy at a passing gay couple holding hands just past the White House front lawn.

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