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Giuliani Recreates 9-11 With Legos in Attempt to Cheer Himself Up

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

The Impotent Satyr

Rudy Giuliani reportedly built a replica New York City out of plastic Lego bricks and has been mayor-ing the town since he flew a picture of estranged wife Judith into one of the World Trade Towers. As the Octan-logo bricks came crashing down, Giuliani cradled a motorcycle helmet-wearing Viking citizen and whimpered,

"Tomorrow a new concubine is going to be here. And we're going to wed. And we're going to be stronger than my three marriages before... I want the people of New York to be an example to the rest of the country, and the rest of the world, that marriage can't stop my infidelity."

Giuliani then clenched his fingers around a Lego Millennium Falcon smothered in a picture of his second wife, Donna Hanover, and ample amounts of masking tape, and hurled it into the remaining tower. 

"Come to me, my children!" he said to the Lego citizens. "Let me protect you and, at the same time, extend my mayoral term by 3 months!" 

By the end of the night, a bottle of Tequila had been polished off and Giuliani was fast asleep and spooning the only-white-bricks Trump Tower. 

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