The Impotent Satyr
Punggye-ri, the North Korean nuclear testing site, is underway for deconstruction, according to images taken by a satellite. Not only do these images show the North Koreans working like a well-organized unit of Age of Empires™ villagers, but they also reveal the structure of the facility—Nilla Wafers™ boxes.
Ever since sanctions were enacted, the North Koreans have had to MacGyver their way to success with resources readily available to them when the concrete supply ran out. So the North Koreans rested on their laurels and asked themselves, “What commodity do we possess that can be used to construct these nuclear test facilities?” Through a mouth full of Nabisco cookies, Kim Jong-un, the Chairman of the Workers Party of Korea, suggested that they take from the mountains of empty Nilla Wafers™ boxes scattered throughout the mountainous regions of the North.
So that’s what they did.
On the Tuesday of May 15, 2018 North Korea invited 8 journalists from South Korea to take part in the demolition. They were all given box cutters and told that if they find any cookie crumbs, to “hand them in for a cash reward.” The nation has been in mourning for Mr Kim ever since he consumed his last Nilla Wafers™ box and the sanctions hammer was brought down.
The DPRK’s populace may be dying of hunger, but Kim Jong-un is dying of heartbreak.