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The Evergreen State College Library Building East Stairwell

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

Stairwell Aficionado

I opted-out of cereal this morning, deciding instead to feast on stairwell. With my reusable Batdorf and Bronson coffee cup in-hand I made my way to The Evergreen State College to review yet another well of stairs on campus. This time my unlicked victim was located in the Library Building (East side). On the walls is a quite detailed mural stretching from the first floor all the way up to the fourth floor—a true acid-trip nightmare. Making my way up the steps I snapped photos in one hand and drank coffee from the other—I may have attempted to drink my phone and take photos with my cup a few times.

It was a fairly standard Evergreen stairwell—grip tape on the stair edges, hand rails for safety, two painted dragons 69ing.

Just when I thought I’d seen it all.

I descended to the 1st floor and was considering going to the basement but wasn’t sure if it was a place students could be. Just then the door leading to said basement swung open with a loud, deep “clack” and a mustached man stepped out. I nearly jumped out of my adopted human skin. He asked me if I was going down, and I replied that I wasn’t and that he scared me. I started to leave but then remembered that I hadn’t licked the stairwell yet, giving me a reason to re-enter and infiltrate the basement. I sipped my dark roast, spun 90 degrees on my heel, and strolled right back in.

Immediately I opened the door that had frightened me so and hobbled warily down the steps. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to behold. Once I opened the bottom door I gazed at another mural—this one completely covering and stretching an entire wall. Painted in 1989, the pictures show native populations of North and South America being killed, imprisoned, and enslaved by European travelers and the Catholic Church; the American government controlling foreign powers; and Uncle Sam drinking the tears of the world while a hoofed, four-armed Nosferatu sits atop the “world bank” and wears an American flag tourniquet while shooting the world’s oil into its veins, all while cities burn and the sun sheds a single tear. I think I need an adult and a hug.

I left that building feeling like I’d just witnessed an Area-51 secret that I take to my grave. I licked a stair (it was smooth and uneventful), but I don't want to detract from the real center of focus here.

5 serpent-led chariots outta 5.

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