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Kim Jong-un's Diplomatic Message for Trump: My Nukes for Your Nilla Wafers

Chairman Kim looking to the horizon and drowning his sorrows in famous North Korean soju "3-Kim-Knockout"

South Korean envoys traveled to Pyongyang for a two-day visit with North Korean leader Kim

Jong-un to discuss possible denuclearization if certain demands are met: military threats to North Korea eliminated and its security guaranteed. There is, however, one (meager) request from the rotund Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea--lift sanctions and resume monthly shipments of "sweet, golden" Nabisco Nilla Wafers.

Until now, Mr. Kim has been adamant about not relinquishing his country's nuclear arms under any circumstance, but the South Korean envoy has stated that the North is willing to engage in a "heartfelt dialogue" with the U.S. It's quite possible that an instance at the winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea may have elevated some interest in peace talks; Ivanka Trump attended the Olympics closing ceremony and was filmed on live television eating from a yellow box of Nilla Wafers. An anonymous source from North Korea claims that Kim Jong-un's drool spittoon had to be emptied and replaced three times during the entire ceremony. And don't think for a second that Mr. Kim's saliva goes to waste! It's the leading ingredient in Pyongyang's famous liquor soju "3-Kim-Knockout".

The unsatiated leader crawls out of his Nilla Wafer box fort (no girls allowed) every morning and looks to the horizon for any sign of relief from this cruel, waferless existence only to end up drying his tears on crumbless sleeves.

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