Search

Leaked Information Reveals Stormy Daniels' Payout was Over Mouse Trap Mishap

Dan
Feb 16, 2018
1 min read

Updated: Mar 24, 2024

Impotent Satyr

It was revealed Tuesday that porn star Stormy Daniels played and bested Trump in Mouse Trap six times in a row on a night in 2006. He didn't get to release the trap. Not once! The hot blooded American man flipped the board game, stood up, and punched her square in the face.

When all was said and done, Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, paid Daniels $100,000 to keep what had transpired to herself. She was awarded an extra 30 grand to get one of the flipped plastic game pieces surgically removed from her forehead.

#Stormydaniels #MichaelCohen

Comments

Embarrassed Coworker Caught on Fly Trap Chooses Death Over Asking for Help

"Believe it or not, while hanging from this adhesive tape covered in dead flies, I've found God. And She has a proboscis."

Feb 5, 20241 min read

30 views

0 comments

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

Apr 12, 20203 min read

365 views

0 comments

Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition

This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.

Mar 20, 20202 min read

24 views

0 comments

The Last Air Blender

It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!

Feb 26, 20201 min read

84 views

0 comments

The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit

If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.

Jan 28, 20201 min read

159 views

0 comments

Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic

"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"

Jan 11, 20201 min read

55 views

0 comments

Hydra Flask

Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!

Jan 2, 20201 min read

69 views

0 comments

Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised

Genesis front man Phil Collins doesn't remember acting in the 1995 movie Waterworld, and I think that's the least of his problems.

Dec 4, 20192 min read

190 views

0 comments

Two Celebrities Who Did NOT Age Well

Where has the time gone? Where has my ample supply of cheese gone?

Apr 4, 20241 min read

12 views

0 comments

Lift With Your Legs

Safety first!

Mar 24, 20241 min read

11 views

0 comments

Life is a B

Sparky's life didn't quite go as planned. But he is still a pretty good boy.

Mar 3, 20241 min read

3 views

0 comments

Hunger Overruled

"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."

Nov 8, 20221 min read

9 views

0 comments

Cunnilanguish | Medical Diagnosis

Treatment includes but is not limited to: Sighing loudly or making fart sounds with your mouth during foreplay

Mar 6, 20241 min read

22 views

0 comments

Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'

Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...

Aug 12, 20192 min read

40 views

0 comments

Diagnosis: Kocher

"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."

Jul 30, 20191 min read

22 views

0 comments

Diagnosis: Hellacopter

"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."

Jul 28, 20191 min read

23 views

0 comments

The Evergreen State College | SEM II Building

This just happens to be my favorite place on campus to play guitar and make unsettling screeching noises.

Oct 26, 20243 min read

437 views

0 comments

Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel

Was it a metaphor for our relationship? I don't know; I am way too drunk to psychoanalyze what she meant by "emotionally distant."

Mar 2, 20213 min read

404 views

0 comments

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

Apr 12, 20203 min read

365 views

0 comments

A Quick Stare: Tumwater Falls

I was so happy to find some stairs that I didn't bother seeing the falls—I'd already fallen head-over-heels in love.

Feb 28, 20201 min read

281 views

0 comments

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion—Vilena Donton's house | Stairwell Review

I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than these stairs.

Mar 21, 20201 min read

88 views

0 comments

Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review

Why watch dogs when you can watch stairwells?

Feb 29, 20201 min read

38 views

0 comments

Sniper Elite 4 | Stairwell Review

They told me I couldn't drive my car up a flight of wooden stairs. So I grabbed my kar and then drove its stock into that person's skull.

Feb 28, 20201 min read

14 views

0 comments

Breath of Fire 2: SimaFort | Stairwell Review

More like peepee of fire. Never wade through dank pond scum inside of a castle operated by toads.

Feb 5, 20201 min read

104 views

0 comments

Kingdong Hards for PlayStation 2

Donald, Goofy, and Sora fight the hordes of Hardless, thrusting and busting evil Dicney villains who use The Hardless like pawns.

Apr 27, 20242 min read

12 views

0 comments

Stuart Belittle

The moment The Littles make their decision to adopt him, Stuart berates his fellow orphans for having been picked-over for a mouse.

Mar 24, 20242 min read

9 views

0 comments

Flay's Hand Peeled Skin Chips

Skin chips are hand peeled & fried to dry, flaky perfection. Naturally salty, our crispy boys are sure to satisfy any cannibalistic cravings

Mar 21, 20242 min read

18 views

0 comments

Falanel | Flannel-Coated Falafel

Our employees painstakingly clothe magma-hot falafel in flannel, creating our trademark product: FALANEL

Mar 20, 20242 min read

12 views

0 comments

Leaked Information Reveals Stormy Daniels' Payout was Over Mouse Trap Mishap

Recent Posts

Comments

Embarrassed Coworker Caught on Fly Trap Chooses Death Over Asking for Help

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition

The Last Air Blender

The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit

Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic

Hydra Flask

Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised

Featured Posts

Recent Posts from Impotent Comics

Two Celebrities Who Did NOT Age Well

Lift With Your Legs

Life is a B

Hunger Overruled

Recent Posts from Impotent M.D.

Cunnilanguish | Medical Diagnosis

Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'

Diagnosis: Kocher

Diagnosis: Hellacopter

The Evergreen State College | SEM II Building

Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

A Quick Stare: Tumwater Falls

Recent Posts from Stairwell Aficionado

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion—Vilena Donton's house | Stairwell Review

Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review

Sniper Elite 4 | Stairwell Review

Breath of Fire 2: SimaFort | Stairwell Review

Recent Posts From Gamer's Stairwell Aficionado

Kingdong Hards for PlayStation 2

Stuart Belittle

Flay's Hand Peeled Skin Chips

Falanel | Flannel-Coated Falafel

Recent Posts from Impotent Products