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The Legend of Zebra: Breath of the Wild

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"Your steamy swamp breath makes my loins churn like improperly-cooled gumbo. It's love at first whiff."

Introducing the unofficial sequel to LoZ: BotW that has the hero of time resurrecting as Zebra. What are Hyrule's residents going to do, call a 1-800 number and complain? Exactly.


So you set off on your adventure, mainly staying in the first area to monch some grass, mushrooms, Korok seeds and Koroks themselves, more grass, torches, rusty swords, and whatever else you can find to obtain the sacred Halitosis Mask. Then you must use your stanky breath of the wild to woo Princess Zelda as the game shifts to a dating simulator. But she prefers only the most caustic of exhalations, so you better load up on Goron dung.


Sold wherever that one guy keeps breathing right behind you, so you crush his face with your fist, walking away after you've broken his glasses and maybe nose.

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