Are you tired of waiting around for a candy to invade your taste buds that starts out sour and finishes just as sour without any lingering sweetness?
Do you hate the high prices candy-makers are charging you to enjoy what is rightfully yours by birth? And does it make you want to shout the price-gouging aloud to the heavens? #HollaCost
Is there anything more infuriating than getting a completely full bag of goodies? Candy and chip bags should be airy n' contain only a few edible treats.
If you find your blonde-haired blue-eyed self agreeing to these rational opinions, consider reading Führer further to see where you can purchase your own bag of Sauerkraut Patch Kids.
Sold wherever Charlie Chaplin cosplayers are mistakenly identified and wrongfully frowned upon.