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Pride Pods

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

Impotent Products

Yas, gurl! Late to the party but not forgotten, popular laundry detergent company Tide has just released their years-in-testing detergent pod set to revolutionize the gay community's fashion sense as well as tempt its hottest temptresses. Pride Pods unleash their inner flirt and get all over stains, dirty spots, and pearl-white molars with pride-colored soap that just looks so darn tasty. Like, what if you took two out of the box--one for the clothes and one for yourself, maybe? You work hard; you deserve nice things. This Pride Pod is so glossy and candy-shaped. Surely, it would taste as good as (if not better than) it smells.

Those internet videos from 2017 showing people eating Tide Pods were all lies. This is healthy, even! Colon cleanse! Go on--that's it...

Ha! That was actually gay-reversal formula! Get Vice President Pence on the phone now and tell him he can stop the electroshock therapy--we have a winner!

Sold wherever Jonathan Van Ness' raised hand goes limp. Yas! I love it!

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