Flaccid Jazz
"One more time we're gonna celebrate—"
*ref blows whistle* EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION! FIVE YARD PENALTY!
*the home team crowd loses their selves to dance*
NFL Draft Punk
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Available on kindle, paper, and hardback!
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Also available as an
audio book on YouTube
- Feb 5
- 1 min
Embarrassed Coworker Caught on Fly Trap Chooses Death Over Asking for Help
"Believe it or not, while hanging from this adhesive tape covered in dead flies, I've found God. And She has a proboscis."
28 views0 comments
- Apr 12, 2020
- 3 min
A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building
it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.
357 views0 comments
- Mar 20, 2020
- 2 min
Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition
This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.
24 views0 comments
- Feb 26, 2020
- 1 min
The Last Air Blender
It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!
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Two Celebrities Who Did NOT Age Well
Where has the time gone? Where has my ample supply of cheese gone?
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Sparky's life didn't quite go as planned. But he is still a pretty good boy.
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"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."
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Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...
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- Jul 30, 2019
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Diagnosis: Kocher
"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."
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- Jul 28, 2019
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Diagnosis: Hellacopter
"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."
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- Mar 2, 2021
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Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel
Was it a metaphor for our relationship? I don't know; I am way too drunk to psychoanalyze what she meant by "emotionally distant."
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- Apr 12, 2020
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A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building
it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.
357 views0 comments
- Feb 28, 2020
- 1 min
A Quick Stare: Tumwater Falls
I was so happy to find some stairs that I didn't bother seeing the falls—I'd already fallen head-over-heels in love.
278 views0 comments
- Jan 11, 2020
- 1 min
A Quick Stare: My Viola Floral Studio
They said I could be anything I set my mind to and work hard toward. So I became a stairwell aficionado.
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- Mar 21, 2020
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I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than these stairs.
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- Feb 29, 2020
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Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review
Why watch dogs when you can watch stairwells?
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- Feb 28, 2020
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Sniper Elite 4 | Stairwell Review
They told me I couldn't drive my car up a flight of wooden stairs. So I grabbed my kar and then drove its stock into that person's skull.
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- Feb 5, 2020
- 1 min
Breath of Fire 2: SimaFort | Stairwell Review
More like peepee of fire. Never wade through dank pond scum inside of a castle operated by toads.
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Recent Posts From Gamer's Stairwell Aficionado
- Mar 24
- 2 min
Stuart Belittle
The moment The Littles make their decision to adopt him, Stuart berates his fellow orphans for having been picked-over for a mouse.
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- Mar 21
- 2 min
Flay's Hand Peeled Skin Chips
Skin chips are hand peeled & fried to dry, flaky perfection. Naturally salty, our crispy boys are sure to satisfy any cannibalistic cravings
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- Mar 20
- 2 min
Falanel | Flannel-Coated Falafel
Our employees painstakingly clothe magma-hot falafel in flannel, creating our trademark product: FALANEL
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- Mar 10
- 2 min
Nunyuns | Onion Flavored Halos
Relief instantly washes over you, as Nunyun holes are large and famously not tight. Sticking one's finger in a Nunyun gives no satisfaction.
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