Gwarmas
- Dan
- Dec 15, 2020
- 1 min read
Impotent Products
How it feels to chew Gwarmas:
Gwarmas — Stimulate your blood-spraying udders.
top of page
On kindle and paperback
Search
Embarrassed Coworker Caught on Fly Trap Chooses Death Over Asking for Help
"Believe it or not, while hanging from this adhesive tape covered in dead flies, I've found God. And She has a proboscis."
Feb 5, 20241 min read
30 views
0 comments
A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building
it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.
Apr 12, 20203 min read
366 views
0 comments
Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition
This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.
Mar 20, 20202 min read
24 views
0 comments
The Last Air Blender
It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!
Feb 26, 20201 min read
84 views
0 comments
The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit
If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.
Jan 28, 20201 min read
159 views
0 comments
Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic
"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"
Jan 11, 20201 min read
55 views
0 comments
Hydra Flask
Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!
Jan 2, 20201 min read
69 views
0 comments
Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised
Genesis front man Phil Collins doesn't remember acting in the 1995 movie Waterworld, and I think that's the least of his problems.
Dec 4, 20192 min read
190 views
0 comments
Featured Posts
Recent Posts from Impotent Comics
Two Celebrities Who Did NOT Age Well
Where has the time gone? Where has my ample supply of cheese gone?
Apr 4, 20241 min read
12 views
0 comments
Lift With Your Legs
Safety first!
Mar 24, 20241 min read
11 views
0 comments
Life is a B
Sparky's life didn't quite go as planned. But he is still a pretty good boy.
Mar 3, 20241 min read
3 views
0 comments
Hunger Overruled
"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."
Nov 8, 20221 min read
9 views
0 comments
Recent Posts from Impotent M.D.
Cunnilanguish | Medical Diagnosis
Treatment includes but is not limited to: Sighing loudly or making fart sounds with your mouth during foreplay
Mar 6, 20241 min read
22 views
0 comments
Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'
Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...
Aug 12, 20192 min read
40 views
0 comments
Diagnosis: Kocher
"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."
Jul 30, 20191 min read
22 views
0 comments
Diagnosis: Hellacopter
"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."
Jul 28, 20191 min read
24 views
0 comments
The Evergreen State College | SEM II Building
This just happens to be my favorite place on campus to play guitar and make unsettling screeching noises.
Oct 26, 20243 min read
441 views
0 comments
Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel
Was it a metaphor for our relationship? I don't know; I am way too drunk to psychoanalyze what she meant by "emotionally distant."
Mar 2, 20213 min read
404 views
0 comments
A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building
it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.
Apr 12, 20203 min read
366 views
0 comments
A Quick Stare: Tumwater Falls
I was so happy to find some stairs that I didn't bother seeing the falls—I'd already fallen head-over-heels in love.
Feb 28, 20201 min read
281 views
0 comments
Recent Posts from Stairwell Aficionado
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion—Vilena Donton's house | Stairwell Review
I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than these stairs.
Mar 21, 20201 min read
88 views
0 comments
Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review
Why watch dogs when you can watch stairwells?
Feb 29, 20201 min read
38 views
0 comments
Sniper Elite 4 | Stairwell Review
They told me I couldn't drive my car up a flight of wooden stairs. So I grabbed my kar and then drove its stock into that person's skull.
Feb 28, 20201 min read
14 views
0 comments
Breath of Fire 2: SimaFort | Stairwell Review
More like peepee of fire. Never wade through dank pond scum inside of a castle operated by toads.
Feb 5, 20201 min read
104 views
0 comments
Recent Posts From Gamer's Stairwell Aficionado
Kingdong Hards for PlayStation 2
Donald, Goofy, and Sora fight the hordes of Hardless, thrusting and busting evil Dicney villains who use The Hardless like pawns.
Apr 27, 20242 min read
12 views
0 comments
Stuart Belittle
The moment The Littles make their decision to adopt him, Stuart berates his fellow orphans for having been picked-over for a mouse.
Mar 24, 20242 min read
9 views
0 comments
Flay's Hand Peeled Skin Chips
Skin chips are hand peeled & fried to dry, flaky perfection. Naturally salty, our crispy boys are sure to satisfy any cannibalistic cravings
Mar 21, 20242 min read
18 views
0 comments
Falanel | Flannel-Coated Falafel
Our employees painstakingly clothe magma-hot falafel in flannel, creating our trademark product: FALANEL
Mar 20, 20242 min read
14 views
0 comments
Recent Posts from Impotent Products
bottom of page
Comments