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What to Expect When You're Expecto Patronum-ing

Impotent Products

You brought this creature into the world; you raise it.

Find it at your local library in the section where the book cover illustrations all follow your movement with ever-watching eyes.

Recent Posts

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition

This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.

The Last Air Blender

It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!

The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit

If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.

Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic

"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"

Hydra Flask

Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!

Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised

Genesis front man Phil Collins doesn't remember acting in the 1995 movie Waterworld, and I think that's the least of his problems.