"What if...what if I just lit you down here? Just for myself; no one would see us together."

Try our Spicy Deluxe, and ask for Margit (pronounce her name wrong to REALLY increase the tension).

They'd been watching her carefully for years as she deflected one question after another--day-in and day-out from the press corps.

English Princes Harry and William are making a surprise cameo in order to milk a single laugh from audiences.

Stephanie has already singled out Jim Acosta twice.

The colorfully dark candidate took the five minutes given to slowly rotate in absolute silence, bringing discomfort to most of the audience.

"Check this out. What if we take baptisms and, like, altered beast them into, you know, dabtisms," the 90s kid offered up.

The Impotent Satyr If the worst came to pass and Donald J Trump was no longer president of these United States, Mike Pence would assume...

"I didn't even get to announce my attacks before beginning their repeatable, memorable pattern!"

The Impotent Satyr Did you know that the age of consent applies to humans as well as sex toys? That 12-inch beige dildo you're applying...

While filming Blue Planet 2 over the Mariana Trench, David Attenborough called dibs on a deceased blue whale floating amongst the waves...

"I got your nose," he said, "and I'm never giving it back." He wiggled his thumb before flipping Jake the bird with both hands.

The Impotent Satyr Brandon Wriggle left the house on a sunny Friday afternoon to head to the beach with his friends, Jacob and Gary, as...

The Impotent Satyr The 13th century cathedral in Paris caught fire April 15, destroying the roof and one of the towers before finally...

The Impotent Satyr Researchers at the National Science Foundation released a statement and the first ever photo of a black hole....

The Impotent Satyr An influx of women telling all-too-familiar creepy Joe Biden stories have come forth, leaving Democrats with a...

The Impotent Satyr Kids from all over the world are falling for a viral sensation that instructs them to "self-reboot" themselves, as...

The Impotent Satyr "That's no moon--it's a man dangling from a parachute...station." I don't care if the jokes don't appear to make...