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Pabst Brown Ribbon Beer

Impotent Products

We've taken the carefully synthesized corn syrup in the original Pabst Blue Ribbon recipe and have straight-up replaced it with ethanol and whole kernels of corn for added chewy bits.

Pabst Brown Ribbon takes only the finest of hops that are left over after everyone else has had their pick through.

I won't mince words on this one. Our wheat is barely barley. The horses starve themselves rather than eat what is essentially polyethylene grass.

However, the water that goes into PBR (Brown) is naturally filtered through charcoal. Or maybe through coal. I can't remember or have intentionally repressed that information.

And the thing that makes this whole operation doable: cultured yeast. And where does that yeast get its culture, you ask? Why, it picks it up overseas from our sister brewery located in Wuhan, China. Nà zhēnshi bù zhèngcháng!

This product is not gluten-free, and we cannot guarantee that it's also not glue-free because of the whole horse starvation ordeal.

Sold wherever the hiss of a can being opened triggers those in the immediate vicinity to shit everywhere.

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