Yo, Aunt Jemima, we'll convene when these bad boys are luke warm and supine on my plate.

"We're gonna fuck and fuck some more until we get our social distancing restrictions back again—this time enforced by police."

"I mean, the whole city is on fire; why shouldn't my lungs be?" West Olympian Aarnold Lemonberry reasoned aloud with himself.

If you can't fake a smile when my presence is presented, know that I take it as an act of aggression. First Fallujah, then Aleppo, now Oly.

"Get your ass out here, you blasphemous homosexu—uh, sorry, force of habit."

We are expected to write down our Olympia names (River, Forest, Moon Unit, Ranger, Sunshine) on the notepad adjacent to New Moon's entrance.

"I now have all this extra time to get some real work done," Ryin told us as he exited the building for his third twenty-minute break.

"At first he was only loading up on thick and long vegetables: a gargantuan carrot, a monstrous cucumber, truly a leviathan of a zucchini."

I received this in the mail and was feeling nostalgic about voting season.

"I saw her pointing somewhat toward her mouth area and yelling, 'Put it here, dummy.'"

"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"

The Impotent Satyr "Due to oversupply and limited markets, we have seen a dramatic increase in costs associated with buying your child or...

"Know that I speak for not only this subreddit but for all of Olympia when I say that houseless people are not a problem."

"I need muscle-bound men with guns and testosterone to keep the women at a forty-foot buffer while I go about my job in the White House."

"I don't even know what's inside those barrels, but I saw one explode last week and kill twelve dudes--blew their skin clean off."

One librarian used page 489 from the 1994 edition of Plants of the Pacific Northwest Coast to roll a sizeable but tight blunt.

For the next hour, Ken wowed those in attendance with absurd science-fiction tales of refrigeration units kept at a temp below 41 degrees.

Vote to re-elect Cheryl Selby or she'll chuck this kid in Capitol Lake