The Impotent Satyr
One of these commanding messages read "thou shalt not kill," which Moses, the Sinai man, had already done. So, naturally, he explained to his buddies that there was a wider context to this, and that it's okilly dokilly to kill when it's convenient to control others. When his friends offered some resistance to this interpretation, Moses turned his staff into a snake and they shut right the fuck up.
"Also," Moses said, "if any of you shit heads constructs a golden bovine, I swear to God I will break these tablets over your fucken heads."