The Impotent Satyr
December 11th Tuesday morning saw Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, House Leader Nancy Pelosi, and Donald Trump erupt in debate in front of the on-looking media. Oh yeah, and Mike Pence was there...technically. The Vice President remained silent during the entire debacle, drifting in and out of consciousness in a horrid fever dream brought on by a self-administered suppository elephant sedative. The debate moved to border security while Pence crossed his legs and muttered that Pelosi was too close to him. He nervously looked around the room and made eye contact with a painting of Old Glory designer Betsy Ross. Though he remained stone-faced, a soft whimper emerged from Pence as he began a low mumbling Hail Mary to atone for the betrayal of his wandering eyes and their sinful covet. When the meeting wrapped up, Pence fished into his jacket for one of his portable leather flails "for the repentant sinner on the go!" and began whipping his back with every other step he took toward his "no girls allowed" blanket fort office.