The Impotent Satyr
Snapchat star Daniel Lara seeks to broaden fame, tries hand at school shootings.
"He just doesn't strike fear into the hearts of his victims as he's gunning them down," says Lara's friend and cameraman, Joshua Holz, who's put a twist on his classic catchphrase. During 6th period every day, Daniel unsheathes his G19 from his book bag and Holz is always there with the camera running.
"Daniel's capping students and teachers in the face and everyone's crying, but they're tears of joy at seeing a YouTube celebrity visit their school. I just don't see a successful career doing this."
Recently Ellen Degeneres invited Lara and Holz back on her daytime TV program to discuss this new direction. Halfway through the interview, Ellen had an assistant bring out a display rack filled with a lifetime supply of handguns shipped directly from Glock. Daniel picked a few up, outfitting one with a 33 bullet-capacity magazine, and fired upon the live-studio audience.
With two bullets buried in her left thigh, Ellen turned to the camera and rolled to commercial break, but let the folks watching at home know that they could find the full interview, including one-on-one executions with five lucky audience members, on the Ellen show website.