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Trump Sends 12 Billion Make America Grain Again Hats to Ailing Farmers Across Nation

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

The Impotent Satyr

Make America Gothic Again

Following retaliatory tariffs on US agriculture exported to China, the Trump administration made a drastic decision on July 24th to send aid to farmers, most notably soy bean farmers. This federal relief will be in the form of the president's 2016 campaign MAGA hats altered to boost morale of rural America's crop growers.

"Hats off to you, farmers," Mr Trump hollered to a crowd inside a VFW in Kansas City, MO. A CNN reporter at the scene yelled to the president that 'hats off to you' is just an idiom and is not to be taken literally. Mr Trump's entire being frowned and he banned the reporter from the event.

A baby in the audience started crying, and Trump banned the baby, too.

Meanwhile Mike Pence was holding in one hand a homemade gadget of his that detected homosexuals and was sternly scanning the room. He tightened his grip on the nylon noose in his other hand while his eyes darted from the crowd to his device, awaiting the slightest blip.

"Wear those hats with pride as you grow grain for our great nation. Because we're going to need it to break bread over the heads of our enemies!"

The CNN reporter being forced out of the building face palmed.

In the corner of the room Mike Pence's Jerry-rigged Gameboy beeped, and he took off running toward a man by the punch bowl.

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