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White House 'Miserable' Place To Work, Says Kelly Who Served in Active Combat Baghdad

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

The Impotent Satyr

US Marine General and White House Chief of Staff John Kelly was heard yesterday grumbling about his job of babysitting the president and rapping his metaphorical knuckles when necessary. One staffer saw Kelly staring longingly at a photo of then President Barack Obama and his then Chief of Staff Denis McDonough.

"I want what they had," Kelly reportedly whispered. The General spends a lot of time in this particular hallway, looking at the smiling faces of the previous administration.

Last month President Trump strode by Kelly with Andrew, the son of Rudy Giuliani, on their way to the West Wing. The Chief of Staff immediately attempted to stop the young Giuliani for his lack of proper access, to which Donald pulled from his pocket a crumpled paper colored completely with blue crayon. It was a crude forgery, but not the President's worst attempt. Kelly snatched the waxy paper, ripped it to shreds before his boss's eyes, and turned Andrew on his heels. Furious, Mr Trump crushed the pudding cup in his hand he had saved from lunch.

The two stormed off and left Kelly alone with the pictures once again.

"Baghdad ain't shit," he muttered.


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