The Impotent Satyr
This last Sunday, March 18th, 2018, President Vladimir Putin secured another 6 years in office after winning the majority of votes in Russia's latest election. While the rest of the world has called the election a 'sham' because of Putin's actions of blocking voters, stuffing ballot boxes, and barring opposition leader Alexei Navalny from the race entirely, that didn't stop Vladi's biggest fan and side piece in America from calling him up and congratulating him on the win.
The leader of the free world squirmed in his chair as he dialed his Russian counterpart's phone number and then proceeded to give his best Russian "hello" to the man on the other line. In front of Donald was a briefing from his security team with a sentence in all caps, "DO NOT CONGRATULATE," upon which Donald was doodling himself and Vladimir inside of a heart with a "Together 4 Evr" written below. Trump then congratulated Putin on his election and complimented him profusely. The two talked about meeting up for drinks and watching the Jumanji remake.
As the couple were wrapping up pleasantries, Donald nervously pawed at his sketch of Putin's shirtless torso and whispered an "I love you" into the telephone. There was a short silence followed by a click and dial tone. The president angrily hung up the phone and muttered about "Obama's past wiretaps" causing his phone to drop calls.