The Impotent Satyr
"I'd heat it up myself but our Christmas turkey was female, and Karen won't leave me alone with it," said the Vice President in his hometown of Columbus, Indiana.
As we entered the city we noted the welcome sign leading in that read 'Welcome to Columbus, home of Mike Pence and named one of the top 10 playful towns in 2004 by Nick Jr magazine. After we gained an audience with the VP he showed us around his neighborhood. "And under those bleachers is where we beat up--I mean--transformed the homosexual delinquents of Columbus into straight, Christian, community-oriented members of society. After our crew became visibly nervous from his previous statement, Mike led us back to his family home and went inside alone. When we knocked on the door Karen told us "Michael needs to rest up for his flight back to Washington tomorrow." As we headed for our vehicle our cameraman Jeff noticed Mike peeking out at us from an upstairs window, but when we waved to him he darted out of sight.