The Impotent Satyr "Due to oversupply and limited markets, we have seen a dramatic increase in costs associated with buying your child or...

"Know that I speak for not only this subreddit but for all of Olympia when I say that houseless people are not a problem."

One librarian used page 489 from the 1994 edition of Plants of the Pacific Northwest Coast to roll a sizeable but tight blunt.

For the next hour, Ken wowed those in attendance with absurd science-fiction tales of refrigeration units kept at a temp below 41 degrees.

Vote to re-elect Cheryl Selby or she'll chuck this kid in Capitol Lake

Nathaniel Jones didn't write those quotes about himself. He is very popular. And, like Kim Jong-il, he golfed a perfect game then retired.

"Cheryl is every mayor in Thurston county." -Senator Sam Hunt

The council must pull themselves up by their boot straps instead of relying on their feeble velcro (wasted tax-payer dollars) to save them.

"I would be honored to serve with Helen Wheatley in the impending boat genocide. Together we can return the Port to the people." -E. J. Zita

"I walked into Mr. Nelson's office and found him rubbing his chin on a Coaster memory foam mattress!"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to use this to clean up asbestos; I don't know how I'm supposed to use this to clean up anything."

Shen breathed heavily and mightily into the flimsy audio receptacle. "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."

"You should also be getting hints of Tian Shan mountain range gravel," the barista sold, touching her thumbs to fingers, pedaling her hands.

"I feel the bulging sensation of an expletive coming down the pipeline!"

When I found that unidentifiable liquid in the back of the refrigerator and worked it into the special of the day called The Cold Case Vial

"I can make a rock," piped up Tom Rieger, holding a fist in the air.

We have seven gurneys surrounding the wooden hut and staff that have taken and passed a one-hour online course certifying them in I.V. use.

"It's worse than we thought," said Chief of Police Ronnie Roberts. "They're playing unsupervised non-regulation Yu-gi-oh card tournaments."