Are you tired of all those fruitless full-body-cleanse diets that have you running to the bathroom all day?
Don't you wish there was an easier way to slim down? Now there is!
Introducing: The Scouring Plaid Shirt!
Just fit it on over your torso and feel the weight come off with each minor contortion of your body!
Crazy Awesome Skin Irritation
Killer Blood Loss
People are RAVING about the The Scouring Plaid Shirt, calling it "the physical manifestation of pain eternal, but I've never looked slimmer!"
Don't believe us? Read the reviews!
"Diese product is uber wunderbar!"
"Every horse-faced, nasty woman out there needs this amazing, truly amazing product if they ever want a man to grab them by the pussy. My daughter doesn't need this--my sexy daughter, Ivanka. Not the other one. The other one desperately needs it if she ever wants to appear in my dreams."
Bobby Warner from Nevada
I hugged my 8-year-old son while wearing this thing, and when I released my hold he crumpled into a bloody pile of bones and hair. The shipping was free, though, so I'm still giving it 2 out of 5 stars.
So what are you waiting for? Start losing weight today, and look hip while doing so!
Sold wherever BDSM attire is considered "kid stuff."
Related Post: Mace Windex: Windows so Spotless They May Cease to Exist