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MoccaSins

Updated: Sep 18, 2019

Impotent Products

Leather Moccasins. A golden retriever smiles in the background. A bloody ear sits with a note that says, "We Hear You and We're Sorry".
Life Hack: Misplaced your Moccasins somewhere in your home? Blow a dog whistle and listen carefully for their location reveal.

These truly special items are manufactured by hand using yet-to-be-deported Mexican migrants inside a temperature-unregulated factory built on an Indian burial site that is currently being fracked. Also, the nearby town's drinking water isn't safe for consumption, but that's unrelated. I'm not sure why I brought that up.


100% cultural appropriation guaranteed.


There is a very good chance the leather came from your dog that went missing when you were nine.


10% of all profits go to ISIS summer training camps.


Faulty orders are completely refundable and come with a personalized message stating how sorry we are that the product we shipped was not up to our standards, as well as a bloody, severed ear, so you can trust us when we promise that it better not happen again, Marcos.


The first 100 orders will be signed by former Vice President Dick Cheney.


At every 10th purchase, we will form a mandatory volunteer work party, head into a federally protected wetland, and spend an hour dumping nuclear waste on plants and animals alike.


So get yourself some MoccaSins today! Sold wherever dreams are crushed and snorted by the 1 percent.

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