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Updated: Sep 13, 2020

Impotent Products

Are you tired of drinking soda with ease? Would you rather slurp down what physically feels like drowning on liquid nitrogen? Well look no further than the new...


A soda for kinky fucks who have long held a fantasy of being choked by Frosty the Snowman. The combination of menthol and carbonation will send you straight to the wintry planet Hoth, lost in a blizzard with no Tauntaun innards to keep you warm.

You thought drinking orange juice after brushing with mint toothpaste was extreme? Boy, you don't know how wrong you is.

Drinking this pop will send you back in time to Christmas Day 1948. Your father has just gifted you your first BB gun. You run out into your backyard on this frosty morning to test the firearm's capabilites. You pump it. You aim. You fire. It ricochets off of your intended target and zooms back toward you. You believe it's heading straight for your eye. You're wrong. It barrels into a thin icicle dangling from the gutter directly above your head. You look up. The icicle breaks and it falls DIRECTLY AND PERFECTLY INTO YOUR THROAT. And that is what it feels like to drink a Coca-Ricola.

Coca-Ricola is sold wherever Pepsi-Bismol can be found on a nearby shelf.

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