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- Jan 29, 2019
- 1 min read

The Edgar Allan Wrench

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

Impotent Products

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Hot Sockets

Chewee's Caramels OOPS! All Salt

Dong Smasher 2K23

Apr 12, 2020
3 min

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

351 views0 comments

Mar 20, 2020
2 min

Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition

This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.

21 views0 comments

Feb 26, 2020
1 min

The Last Air Blender

It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!

66 views0 comments

Jan 28, 2020
1 min

The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit

If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.

129 views0 comments

Jan 11, 2020
1 min

Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic

"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"

53 views0 comments

Jan 2, 2020
1 min

Hydra Flask

Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!

57 views0 comments

Dec 4, 2019
2 min

Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised

Genesis front man Phil Collins doesn't remember acting in the 1995 movie Waterworld, and I think that's the least of his problems.

177 views0 comments

Nov 8, 2022
1 min

Hunger Overruled

"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."

3 views0 comments

Nov 3, 2022
1 min

Saitama goes to a straight-edge party

Drank it in one gulp.

2 views0 comments

Aug 4, 2022
1 min

Easy, Breezy, Face-Eaty, Beautiful

Velociraptor seeks biped who enjoys outdoors

26 views0 comments

Jul 21, 2022
1 min

North Korean Radio: The Sequel

Impotent Comics

5 views0 comments

Aug 12, 2019
2 min

Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'

Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...

21 views0 comments

Jul 30, 2019
1 min

Diagnosis: Kocher

"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."

17 views0 comments

Jul 28, 2019
1 min

Diagnosis: Hellacopter

"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."

19 views0 comments

May 28, 2019
1 min

Procedure: VASEctomy

Tired of having kids but short on cash? Just stick your dick in a vase until it shatters, severing your vans deferens

17 views0 comments

Mar 2, 2021
3 min

Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel

Was it a metaphor for our relationship? I don't know; I am way too drunk to psychoanalyze what she meant by "emotionally distant."

390 views0 comments

Apr 12, 2020
3 min

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

351 views0 comments

Feb 28, 2020
1 min

A Quick Stare: Tumwater Falls

I was so happy to find some stairs that I didn't bother seeing the falls—I'd already fallen head-over-heels in love.

267 views0 comments

Jan 11, 2020
1 min

A Quick Stare: My Viola Floral Studio

They said I could be anything I set my mind to and work hard toward. So I became a stairwell aficionado.

42 views0 comments

Mar 21, 2020
1 min

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion—Vilena Donton's house | Stairwell Review

I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than these stairs.

62 views0 comments

Feb 29, 2020
1 min

Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review

Why watch dogs when you can watch stairwells?

29 views0 comments

Feb 28, 2020
1 min

Sniper Elite 4 | Stairwell Review

They told me I couldn't drive my car up a flight of wooden stairs. So I grabbed my kar and then drove its stock into that person's skull.

10 views0 comments

Feb 5, 2020
1 min

Breath of Fire 2: SimaFort | Stairwell Review

More like peepee of fire. Never wade through dank pond scum inside of a castle operated by toads.

47 views0 comments

Jul 13
2 min

Hot Sockets

Upon first bite the Hot Socket burns my mouth in 2 ways. 1st the marinara instantly perforates the roof of my mouth with second-degree burns

14 views0 comments

Jun 2
1 min

Chewee's Caramels OOPS! All Salt

We made Gerald try out one of these heavily-salted caramels. After eating one, Gerald was speechless.

11 views0 comments

Jun 1
1 min

Dong Smasher 2K23

In a land ruled by dongs, only one dongless individual can stand up and say, "No dongs for me, please."

27 views0 comments

May 3
1 min

Sham Pain

This is a bottom shelf wine for a bottom shelf kind of night.

6 views0 comments

The Edgar Allan Wrench

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