Impotent Products
Forget the Konami code, tonight you're getting laid regardless.
Available wherever Bill and Ted say, "Woah."
Contraceptives by Konami
Updated: Jul 19, 2019
Available on kindle, paper, and hardback!
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- Apr 12, 2020
- 3 min
A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building
it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.
331 views0 comments
- Mar 20, 2020
- 2 min
Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition
This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.
20 views0 comments
- Feb 26, 2020
- 1 min
The Last Air Blender
It's the revolutionary kitchen gadget that Fire Lord Sozin doesn't want you to see!
47 views0 comments
- Jan 28, 2020
- 1 min
The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit
If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.
128 views0 comments
- Jan 11, 2020
- 1 min
Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic
"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"
51 views0 comments
- Jan 2, 2020
- 1 min
Hydra Flask
Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!
53 views0 comments
- Dec 4, 2019
- 2 min
Phil Collins Doesn't Remember Acting in Waterworld, and I'm Not Surprised
Genesis front man Phil Collins doesn't remember acting in the 1995 movie Waterworld, and I think that's the least of his problems.
174 views0 comments
Featured Posts
Recent Posts from Impotent Comics
- Nov 8
- 1 min
Hunger Overruled
"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."
2 views0 comments
- Aug 4
- 1 min
Easy, Breezy, Face-Eaty, Beautiful
Velociraptor seeks biped who enjoys outdoors
23 views0 comments
Recent Posts from Impotent M.D.
- Aug 12, 2019
- 2 min
Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'
Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...
18 views0 comments
- Jul 30, 2019
- 1 min
Diagnosis: Kocher
"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."
17 views0 comments
- Jul 28, 2019
- 1 min
Diagnosis: Hellacopter
"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."
19 views0 comments
- May 28, 2019
- 1 min
Procedure: VASEctomy
Tired of having kids but short on cash? Just stick your dick in a vase until it shatters, severing your vans deferens
17 views0 comments