All Posts | The Impotent Satyr

Jul 17

Green Day Packers

Billie Joe Armstrong was subsequently sacked hard on the first play and fell into a coma, not waking until September 30th.

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Jul 15

City Manager Concludes There Not Enough Bumps on 1-5 On-Ramp at Exit 107

Right now the bumps in the road give drivers a jarring, earthquake-like sensation that has their morning coffee thrashing about and spilling

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Jul 6

July | Grab Yourself a Fifth

Did I drive the truck onto the roof again? How is that even possible, and why can't I do it when I'm sober?

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Jul 6

Michael Jackson | Bleat It

Flaccid Jazz

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Jun 15

Inspector Gadget but He Outlives All His Loved Ones

"Uncle Gadget, after decades of solving mysteries, your body hasn't aged a day. I'm not s-so lucky. Don't f-f-forget about me..Uncle Gaaa.."

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Jun 14

Grad Celebrates Digital Commencement, Chooses 'Chocolatey Chip' Over Original Eggos

Yo, Aunt Jemima, we'll convene when these bad boys are luke warm and supine on my plate.

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Jun 2

Putin's Eggo Waffles | L'Eggo его Eggo

The ninja coughs up thick red blood that trickles down their chin and finds quarter in a trench of the Eggo waffle. "Nani!?"

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May 31

Regressives Initiate All-Inclusive Orgy in Hopes of Reverting County to Phase 1

"We're gonna fuck and fuck some more until we get our social distancing restrictions back again—this time enforced by police."

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May 25

Theater Smotherer

That's it—I'm calling for a teenager earning minimum wage to come and smother your insufferable mouth noises. FOR GOOD.

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May 24

Marmas | Grey Poupon

One candy square tastes like just like eating a tablespoon of Grey Poupon.

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