All Posts | The Impotent Satyr

Kàkaw | Crow Shrieks in a Box

Kàkaw is sold in the section of the weed store where a generous-but-misguided budtender is rolling joints with lotto tickets.

Eye Brownies

They called you crazy for wanting to stick baked goods onto your face.

The Man Who Held In All of His Farts Until He was Elected Senator

The Impotent Satyr

Marmanaras

As basil hits your tongue, your Sicilian crone-of-a-mother-in-law nods her head in approval of you—for once. Savor it, mi amore.

Trainimorphs

It's up to one man who can shape-shift into a train to speed around the world and collect the world's last humans with fair derrieres.

Chee-Z Vape

Just take a nice, deep breath and let your lungs fill with thick clouds of aged cheddar. Welcome to the future—it smells like foot.

Gwarmas

Gwarmas — Stimulate your blood-spraying udders.

Verbs

"Anything can be a verb, and every verb is interchangeable," Tom Windows95'd. "Haha. Beep boop."

Mari's Minced Mints

At Impotent Products, we don't deal in petty things like overly complicated packaging, egregious price-hiking, or costly quality assurance.

Chewie's

Impotent Products Have you ever stared at your cat cleaning itself and thought, "Why should this being be the only one who gets to enjoy...