Feb 16, 20192 min
Updated: Jul 19, 2019
The Impotent Satyr
Late last year Sarah Huckabee-Sanders (as well as John Kelly and some former cabinet members) was interviewed by Special Counsel Robert Mueller's team about the ongoing Russia/Trump investigation. Sanders, known for her innate ability to deflect questions, showed up at Mueller's door in a knight's helmet, with the face guard down, of course. The full transcript of the meeting is as follows:
Mueller: Would you have a seat please?
Sanders: My stance on sitting is to stand up for the American choice to have a seat or remain standing.
Mueller: Okay... Would you state your full name for the record?
Sanders: The President has been very clear on this topic, and I don't believe I need to reiterate what he has already stated.
Mueller: Sarah, I haven't begun the interview.
Sanders: Well I'm just giving you the best information that I have at this time.
Muelller: And I appreciate that.
-Deafening silence-
Mueller: Would you like a glass of water before we start?
Sanders: We would both have all the water we needed if California's governor wasn't intent on directing the state's rivers into the ocean.
Muelller: Miss Sanders-
Sanders: This isn't water. If you want to see real water you should be at my house in the morning when all my kids are running around.
Mueller: With-
Sanders: With water, yes.
Mueller: Has the President ever asked you to lie for him?
Sanders: You know, the real crime here, Robert, are all these crappy metal chairs. I doubt they're even American steel. Yeah--look at that: Made in Taiwan.
Mueller: For your information we got a really good deal on these chairs at Bed Bath & Beyond. We saved the tax payers money AND we bought a Soda Stream for the office.
Sanders: Alright, time's up.
Mueller: GODDAMMIT!