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Mar 22, 20191 min read

Sound Tech Pulling Hair Out After 5th Mic Drop of Rap Battle

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

The Impotent Satyr

My god! You monsters! Hasn't she had enough? You've beaten her to a pulp! Her head is dented in and the feedback I'm getting from her sounds like a baby whale in an industrial Japanese blender.

#SoundEngineerPain

Embarrassed Coworker Caught on Fly Trap Chooses Death Over Asking for Help

"Believe it or not, while hanging from this adhesive tape covered in dead flies, I've found God. And She has a proboscis."

30 views0 comments

Apr 12, 20203 min read

A Quarantined Stare: My Apartment Building

it's a pretty standard apartment building stairwell, kind of like this Charles Shaw Red Blend I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

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Pliable Teaser: Coronavirus Edition

This digital interactive teaser puts players behind the eyes of a shopper endlessly perusing an aisle that's void of any toilet paper.

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Feb 26, 20201 min read

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Jan 28, 20201 min read

The Law Office of Ace Bandit & Bandit

If you or a loved one has been on the receiving end of an unwelcomed boop, you may be entitled to a large tennis ball settlement.

159 views0 comments

Jan 11, 20201 min read

Report: Cutting Board Still Smells Like Garlic

"But surely the odor won't latch onto this apple that I'm about to cut up, right?"

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Jan 2, 20201 min read

Hydra Flask

Put on those water wings, because it's time to WET YOUR WHISTLE with the new Hydra Flask!

67 views0 comments

Dec 4, 20192 min read

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Where has the time gone? Where has my ample supply of cheese gone?

11 views0 comments

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Safety first!

9 views0 comments

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Sparky's life didn't quite go as planned. But he is still a pretty good boy.

3 views0 comments

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"The court sentences you to 200 hours of assembling pigs in a blanket."

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Mar 6, 20241 min read

Cunnilanguish | Medical Diagnosis

Treatment includes but is not limited to: Sighing loudly or making fart sounds with your mouth during foreplay

20 views0 comments

Aug 12, 20192 min read

Diagnosis: 'Running With Caesars'

Impotent M.D. Are you or a loved one suffering from the hurtful connotations associated with eating an exorbitant amount of salad? It's...

39 views0 comments

Jul 30, 20191 min read

Diagnosis: Kocher

"Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves? I've been called worse--today."

22 views0 comments

Jul 28, 20191 min read

Diagnosis: Hellacopter

"My boy Zack is hella strong; I once saw him bench press a bench press that someone was actively using."

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Oct 26, 20243 min read

The Evergreen State College | SEM II Building

This just happens to be my favorite place on campus to play guitar and make unsettling screeching noises.

414 views0 comments

Mar 2, 20213 min read

Red Lion Inn/Governor's Hotel

Was it a metaphor for our relationship? I don't know; I am way too drunk to psychoanalyze what she meant by "emotionally distant."

403 views0 comments

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365 views0 comments

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I was so happy to find some stairs that I didn't bother seeing the falls—I'd already fallen head-over-heels in love.

281 views0 comments

Mar 21, 20201 min read

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion—Vilena Donton's house | Stairwell Review

I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than these stairs.

77 views0 comments

Feb 29, 20201 min read

Watch Dogs | Stairwell Review

Why watch dogs when you can watch stairwells?

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Feb 28, 20201 min read

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14 views0 comments

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More like peepee of fire. Never wade through dank pond scum inside of a castle operated by toads.

103 views0 comments

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Stuart Belittle

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Mar 21, 20242 min read

Flay's Hand Peeled Skin Chips

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Falanel | Flannel-Coated Falafel

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Sound Tech Pulling Hair Out After 5th Mic Drop of Rap Battle

Recent Posts

Embarrassed Coworker Caught on Fly Trap Chooses Death Over Asking for Help

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