The Impotent Satyr
Local wise man and marijuana dealer Justin Marzipan just might have solved the biggest threat facing Planet Earth, and in selfless fashion, isn't keeping this idea to himself.
It all started when Justin got to talking to one of his regular clients about the ALS ice bucket challenge. The two admitted that, even after all those viral videos, they were no closer to understanding what ALS was.
Before the transaction was finalized, Justin and the buyer sat down for a quick smoke session and rerun of iCarly. Justin packed the bowl of his 3rd favorite bong and dropped some ice cubes down the neck. He took a hit right as Carly's brother, Spencer, said something about spaghetti tacos. Then it hit him. "I need spaghetti or tacos or both."
The duo finished their session and the buyer left to resume his investigation as the special counsel, or something; Justin wasn't really paying attention--all he could think about were tacos. Or spaghetti. And ice. Wait, ice? That ALS thing. Tacos. Spaghetti bucket? No, ice bucket taco challenge. Without tacos. Lungs hot, throat dry, global temperature higher than previous averages. WE CAN STOP GLOBAL WARMING IF THE ENTIRE WORLD DOES THE ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE SIMULTANEOUSLY.
THE PRESIDENT MUST BE TOLD.
It took Justin 11 minutes to find his phone, another 8 minutes to remember why he needed it, and a final 5 minutes to piece together a Facebook post that read, 'ALS are planet bucket f ice to lowerif everyone does. yw.'
Satisfied with having saved the world, Justin scoured his fridge for anything reasonably/unreasonably resembling taco fixings and decided that tomorrow he'd work on mending relations between North and South Korea.