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Justice Ginsburg has Cancerous Growth and Bionicles Removed from Lung

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

The Impotent Satyr

X-Ray of a human torso. Bionicle masks are hanging out in the left lung

On Friday Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent surgery to have a cancerous growth removed from her lungs. While RBG was under the knife, surgeons say they also found 6 Kanohi masks lodged in her lungs. After Ginsburg awakened, the surgeons swarmed around her bedside and revealed each of their own Toa bionicle figures, and that they had been waiting for the fabled one who would bring the Kanohi masks so that the surgeons could power up their individual Toa and defeat the Rahi. It was then that Ruth told them that SHE was, in fact, The Great Spirit Mata Nui, forced into slumber by her "brother," Makuta, who sought to control the Matoran and the island. Just then a bunch of pre med students carrying said Matoran ran down the hall and away from pharmaceutical sales reps wielding their Bohrok swarms. The sales reps threw prescription drugs everywhere, caught a med student, and forced a Krana, one of the Bohrok's brain-like organisms, into the student's Matoran and took control of him. RBG watched in shock as the surgeons then ran into a nearby medical closet and outfitted their Toa in the armored suit Exo-Toas. In response, the pharmaceutical reps' lawyers then waltzed in and revealed their Bahrag twins, Cahdok and Gahdok, as the masterminds behind the Bohrok swarm. The surgeons, realizing that their Exo-Toa suits were blocking their medical prowess, ditched the mechs and combined their years at medical school to trap the lawyers in a cage of solid protodermis and House references, bringing about peace in the hospital once more. For now...

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