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U.S. Claims Major Victory as Sanctions Against Kim Jong-un Deny Him Favorite Snack: Nilla Wafers

Updated: Apr 8, 2019

Kim Jong-un looks through binoculars for more Nella Wafers. An emprty Nella Wafers box lays beside him.
"If only I could see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch."

Since President Trump's newest rollout of sanctions, the leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea has thrown constant tantrums, writhing on the ground; only his senior advisors wrapping him in his Dennis Rodman blanket seems to calm him down. That hasn't stopped Mr Kim from looking to the horizon each morning for illegal ships carrying the delicious Nabisco cookies he loves so much. Just last week Chinese ships flying Panamanian flags were seized in South Korea on their way to the North. The cargo on board was almost entirely oil, however 3 large cargo containers were filled to the brim with boxes of Nilla Wafer goodness. Chinese Foreign Ministry Spokeswoman Hua Chunying has disavowed any ties to the ships and assured that China is upholding cooperation with U.N. sanctions against their North Korean ally. A reporter for the Columbia Daily, who was seated on the far right side of the room, noticed that Ms Chunying had her right hand behind her back, fingers crossed.

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